D.I.E.T

Wednesday, April 11, 2007
9.22pm

My friend came over tonight to sleep in my place coz she had a little fight with her friend about her diet program. You see, she was trying to lose weight so she asked the girl next to her room for help since she’s the queen to healthy food. Seriously, she is the ‘Queen of Healthy Food’. The girl eats nothing but healthy food! She taste other food but that’s all to it.

As for me, I was once very fat. Like 70+ going 80kg, which explains why my secondary school pictures are all so ugly. I was as fat and unstylish as ever (not to say that I’m so stylish now, but at least my hair is layered now). Hehe…So anyway, I was so fat that I think at one point of time I was bigger than my mum. It was like where ever I went with my mum people would say something like,

“Eh, ni anak ke? Dah besar dah sekarang…Sama ngan mak dia,”

Or a better one,

”Ni anak ke? Besar dah rupanya. Dulu kecil je...sekarang dah lebih besar dari mak dia,”

Boy, I almost fainted when I heard that, but since I got it like ALL the time, I got used to it and lived with the fact for years that I’m BIGGER than my mum…

Depressing, you think?

There came a time where I had to run a medical check up to enter matriculation. That’s when I found out that I have a high blood pressure and that was the turning point of my life. I was so scared of many possibilities that could happen to me. I mean, God knows what disease that I could get at such a tender age! *sob, sob =..(

So, I decided to stop eating like there’s nobody business, no more junk food after 11, no more sweet drinks (or air sedap, which what I always call it), no more eating rice that could feed 2 people each serving, so on and so forth. I even went to a dietitian for consults. I did sit up everyday before I sleep for 2 or 3 months. Finally I lost 10kgs and I was happy like hell.

I’ve been maintaining my weight but I’m still fat I think. Well, I’ve always think that I’m fat anyway. Right now, I’m working out again because I think I’m flabby all over. Have to get down to my ideal body weight!! Atta girl!! You can do it!!

The thing about dieting is, you have to be strong about it. Not only mentally but also you must enjoy what you’re doing. Like my friend, she tries so hard to follow her friend until she reaches a point where she’s tired of it and all she thinks about is food. I believe that when you do something, you have to love what you’re doing. I eat when I feel like eating but of course I watch my food intake. It’s all about making yourself happy. When you love what you’re doing, you’ll feel happy doing it and there’s no stress to it. If you get used to it, you can make it apart of your life. Now, isn’t that good? So basically, you have to feel comfortable with what you’re doing. Then the rest will fall in place.

At the moment, I’m focusing on my flabbiness.
Go girl!!
Don’t give up no matter how hopeless!
--me getting all poyo-- =)

WhY dO i CaRe??

Tuesday, April 10, 2007
10.50pm

It’s almost 11pm and I’ve just finished editing my pharmacology project. Seeing as it is I think I have to go on-line tomorrow to look for more input for my project.

Today has been a ‘sad day’ for me. I don’t know really…but for some reason (which I’m still figuring out this very minute…) I’m really sad today. Maybe it’s my monthly call…yes! I’m blaming it all to it!! It seems to be the most logical answer as to why I’m so down today. Well, actually it’s the best answer I can come up with right now.

Come to think about it again, I didn’t start the day well anyway. I came back home trying to get it out of my head but for some reason it’s like this giant magnet that got stuck in my head and no matter how hard I try to pull it out, it just won’t come off!

And let me tell you this, when something is bugging you and you know that it’s not worth thinking of but for some unexplainable reason it’s taunting you all day long…God! It’s like sucking up every ounce of energy you have within you living you completely helpless!

Why do I care so much about what people have to say?

It’s because no matter how much I keep telling myself it doesn’t matter, somehow it does. My mother always tell me,

“Biarlah apa yang orang nak cakap pasal kita, bukannya dia yang bagi kita makan,”

That’s true, but why do I still care anyway. I think it’s because deep down inside it still matters. It amazes me how people rule their judgement. Where did the accusations come from anyway? How can you accuse so easily?

Someone used to tell me that sometimes you don’t have to explain yourself to anyone. Let them think all they want. There are times when you want other people to understand you so much that you want to believe what you want them to believe. But we are speaking about human beings here folks, not some bionic robot where you can set their minds according to your will. So, if you don’t think that they will understand, then just forget it! Believe what they want to believe. You know who you are, the people who matters to you knows the truth and that’s all that matters.

That’s what I keep repeating to myself the whole day and finally at 11.55pm, I’m starting to believe it.

So as you can see, it has been a very long day for me…