AnDaI Ia TaHu

first time i heard this song, i was so touched....its definitely one of my all time favourites (not like its been a century or something)...
i even tried looking for it from my friends but no one seems to know the song. so when i saw it on imeem i was very ( n i mean very) excited bout it! thanks to Hayati Glam, for uploading it on imeem...u've made my day :)

Artist : Vince feat. V.E.

Song Title : Andai Ia Tahu

Andai Kau Tahu Sengasaranya Aku

Berlagu Sedih Menanti cintaku



Andai Ia Tahu Betapanya Aku

Menunggu Mati Hadirlah Kasiku



Kerna Dia

Cinta Dia

Sungguh Aku Juga Cintai Dia

Namun Tak Terbalas Kasihku



Patah Seribu Hatiku

Tuhan Genggamlah Jiwaku

Tiada Dayaku Menahan Sebak Menusuk Kalbu

Andai Ia Tahu Laraku



Merintih Benakku

Menangisku

Tak Terpejam Mata Di Dalam Lenaku



Ingin Ku Meraja Mimpi Mimpinya

Jiwamu Hatimu Tiada Diriku



Kerna Dia

Cinta Dia

Sungguh Aku Juga Cintai Dia

Namun Tak Terbalas Kasihku



Kerna Dia

Cinta Dia

Sungguhku juga Cinta Dia

Namun Tak Terbalas Kasihku

Hanya Untukmu

TRAUMATISING!

just a short entry...this morning got some pix from wafa....not much to say, just scroll down urself...

yup, thats blood splattering all over the seats....

if ure wondering what is that on the dashboard...its a piece of skull....

i wonder where is the content of it....



got a clue??



ah...apparently the content (that is the brain) is at the backseat n at the gearbox...



the car

if im not mistaken these pix are actually entitled "wear ur seatbelts"
frankly, i dont like to wear my seatbelts but looking at these pix well, lets just say that it got me thinking.....

but one thing that i cant figure out is that, how did the driver got thrown out of the car when the broken glass was at the passengers seat? any clue??

PLEASE STAND UP, PLEASE STAND UP!

have u ever been in a position where u know its entirely wrong but because the people around u think that its alright or its cool so u decided to just to keep quiet.
especially when u can see the damage being done right in front of your face, and u want to reach out to help but it doesnt seem like the right thing to do (or rather for the fear of being mocked at or condemned for that?)


its like watching those high school movies where the popular groups always be the one to rule the school and whoever that in their mind doesnt fit in is considered weird and therefore alienated....its a cruel, cruel world out there.


im speaking of the truth...it doesnt happen only in movies but in everyday life whether we realise it or not. being in a click may seems cool but sometimes it takes so much from u. during your daily encounter with other people, u experience different type of people, many kind, many breeds...sometimes u wonder, where on earth these people come from or u go like, is it possible for someone to be like this?so cruel??


but it happens....and theres nothing u can do about it....even superman cant do anything about it! he can lift up a meteor or save an old lady from being hit by a bus among other things but i dont recall him ever went up to some school kids and say kids, do not mock him!...hehe.....if so, then superman might not have enough time to save the world coz people are being mocked like, all the time??


i have a friend who has never been in a click before. she has many friends but she was never in the same group for two consecutive years. five years of secondary school, five different group of friends,(belum masuk primary school lagi...) and even those people are not considered as her mutual friends. i must say, even when i was at school back then, people often asked me about her. but since we weren't close back then (hell, we never had a real conversation since primary school!) i just shrug it off...i guess its true when they say, fate has its own turn...i never knew that one day she became one of my close friend. but thats another story.


well, the reason why she doesnt want to be in a click is because of this. everybody has their own belief and principle. there will come a time when u have to deal with a situaion where u have to choose between ur principle or trying to compromise with the situation. it might not be something that u would do but at the time it seems like the best thing to do and this friend of mine refuse to deal with that so, she chose to not be in a click where she can be herself without trying to fit in with other people.

sometimes u feel like you've know this person all ur life. like as if he/she was there from the day u were born. so close that u think u know whats his next action, how he will react, u can even finish his sentences. but bear in mind that we each wear different masks. if he acts that way with u, he might act differently with other people. why is that so? i would say that, we have to learn to adjust to situation and the people we encounter. if we are with adults then its only right for us to behave as an adult, show the mature side of us but if we are among our friends then we can be as immature as we like...as long as we dont annoy them =)
same goes with being in a click. sometimes u dont think what they do to certain people is right but u just keep quiet for fear that u'll be the next target. and lets face, most of us love the idea of being liked and accepted by the society. i dont say ALL but MOSTLY....


and that brings me to the next question....does that define who you are? i mean, the act of ur click members and the fact that u dont do anything to stop them. does that define who you are? what exactly defines a person as a whole?


to me, WORDS certainly doesnt define a person. everyone can talk. everyone can say something. even if he starts reciting the Holy book, does that makes him better than u? of coz not! you can even teach a crazy guy to recite the sentence but does he know what he's talking about? and if u are to believe that words itself can define a person then, you are by far the biggest fool ever!


what about action?does ACTION defines a person? if so, the action done by ur click and the fact that u do nothing to stop them defines who you are. but that not entirely true....under different circumstances where u can be urself and dont depend on others, u might not have taken the same action they took.u might have handled it differently.


so what defines a person as a whole? to me personally its INTENTION...what u wish for...thats what matters. because these intentions come from within u and they dont fool you.u can lie to the whole world but not urself. u may run from the truth but how long can a person runs from himself?sooner or later he will realise it and have to deal with it. unless of coz they fail to realise and soon become mentally deranged because of that...


back to back, its ur inner self. what u want? how u feel? so on and so forth....


how u deal with situation is up to you. some people may handle it well. some people may not. there are things in our lives that we are not proud of. but its done....so there's no use fretting about it.


i hope i'll be more stronger in dealing with this kind of situation. to try to stand up for my beliefs and try not to be someone that i detest most, a hypocrite...

kAsIH

as i was looking for 'hilang' yesterday, i came across of this track by dayang...it was so nice that i listened to it over n over all night....n its a live performance to top it all...and the fact that its dayang, shes like one of the best in the country...its really cool! enjoy =)

con't to H.I.L.A.N.G

i posted the lyrics a few days back, so here is the song....

shocker!

last night was rather shocking for me, and the news came at about 11pm...

after the class ended at 1pm or rather 2pm my time :) i headed back home with my fav mie ayam and spend my evening in my room with my lappie watching scrubs (love it!!) seeing that i still have an assignment to do, i immediately got up to the task knowing if i dont start as soon as possible, i'll end up procrastinating it then at the end of the day, make myself kelam-kabut....ah, thats so me! to quote aniza, our middle name is 'procrastination' which is why we get along so famously!

so while i was on my task, (oh, lemme add that i actually typed the whole assignment by myself!! big achievement for me *wink,wink!!) i got called by Gil to go out for dinner....for the first time of my life i had ketoprak and as i expected, its not really my kind of food....its mee hoon with nasi impit, tahu, tauge and kuah kacang...see, im not really a fan of kuah kacang unless its satay so, i didnt even finish my ketoprak not because its not nice but im just not a fan i guess...

after that, we headed to Mel's place to hang out and played table tennis (yes, i know...so athletic we are!) while we were getting all sport i got a call from my mama...telling me that my aunt were missing!! it came as a shocker i tell u....and my mama sounded so scared and that made me even more worried. the line was pretty bad when she called so i told her i'll call her when i get back..

hung out for awhile longer and headed back home where i immediately called my mama to get more info. according to her, my aunt was suppose to be back at 4pm from istana budaya (where she's working) and waited for her husband to pick her up from the LRT station then go back together. but according to her husband, which happens to be my uncle, he waited for 2hours but there was no sign of her...

and my cousin who is right now at gopeng matriculation called her mother but there was no answer. then she called her brother who then tried calling my aunt as well but could not get through the line. then he called my uncle and asked him bout his mum. but my uncle said that he doesnt know where she is and currently waiting for her at home. my mother got overly worried coz my cousin called her and started crying...so my mama called my uncle and suggested him to report to the police if shes not back by tomorrow. but seeing as my uncle was too calm about his wife being missing that got us wondering....

this morning, i got an sms from my mama that apparently my aunt was in my cousin's room all night. she was asleep and didnt hear the phone ringing, coz it was on silent mode. ohh.....that was a relieve!!! all night i was scared and praying for her safety coz u know with all the things that has been happening lately (the nurin and prasheena's case) who know what will happen? the world or rather people just dont stop surprising u day after day...

so, apparently the husband was waiting for the wife who were in the room all the while? and the fact that he was so calm about it........well, lets just say that there were many things unsaid here.but the most important thing is that she's safe....

foul, foul, foul........

gosh, tonight im in such a foul mood! well, i started off the day pretty bad actually. stayed up the whole night reading physical diagnostic seeing that we were told to get ourselves ready for a quiz today...i have prepared my own notes but only for the first few chapters coz, ive yet to study for other subjects right? but since we were told bout the quiz last week i spent the whole night reading my notes (and that itself took me hours to finish) and the notes from the book ( and that took thrice the time compared to my own notes!) and finally at 6.30am, im starting to feel headache (the caffein has finally kicked in!) so i decided to crash on my bed for a few hours...despite the 4 chapters that i've yet to read....

well, my principle is simple. if i know that its hard for me to finish it all then i might as well have my sleep so i can refresh myself for next day to crap something that is hopefully close to the real answer or by god, at least it can make sense.....

so i set my alarm clock at 8am thinking that maybe i can still cover all of it in time....but of course, knowing me, i woke up at 10am and my exam was at 11.30am! predictable say u? yeah, i think so too...i woke up (or rather forced myself to get up from my comfy bed) and get ready for the hospital....

walked under the hot sun at 11am! sigh......

then, when we reached the hospital, the doctor took us to see the patients, and that got us thinking "did he actually forgot that we're suppose to have a quiz today?"

and apparently, he did! he forgot about the quiz! i was in awe, at that time i couldnt think of anything to say....i was thinking of my restless night trying to read, forcing infos to enter my brain and all that for nothing! and im so sure that i have to re-read it again coz i dont think i remember half of the things i read last night! man....if i knew that this would happen, i'd rather finish up my biochem notes!

so i got back to my room all stressed up from the hospital and crashed on my bed to make up for all the hours ive neglected my bed. finally i woke up at 6 something and went straight to my lap top only to find out that something is wrong with my mozilla firefox....gosh!

one thing that i know i dont have a knack for is techonology, computers or anything of sort...im just not born for it! of coz i got very depressed after that, uninstall it and reinstall the mozilla all over again.then i realised that the internet explorer and mozilla is taking forever to work...so slow! *triple sigh!!!

i pretty much spent the whole night trying to figure this out...u people might find it totally simple and tedious but for people like me who are just not born for it, this is one stressing thing to do...

and finally its working well....gosh i hope everything is fine after this. hate it when something is wrong with the computer...its too depressing!

well, i have something else to update but thats for later...right now need to gear up for biochem (dont want to look so stupid in front of yahwardiah tomorrow) and trying to finish up with anatomical patho...

tomorrow then....chioz!

i.t'.s b.e.e.n a.w.h.i.l.e.....since then

it has been awhile since the last time....

n i have been anticipating since then....
when will you go again?
in the morning? afternoon? evening? night? or midnight?
cant u just stay and never go away? not ever again?

and finally its happening.....
just when u let ur guards down, its strikes back!
and leaving u completely devastated.....

oh dear, electricity!
come back to mama!!!
its getting damn hot in here....
*sob, sob......

H.I.L.A.N.G

Bagai semalam ku bersua
Wajah yang memiliki cinta
Masih teguh kupelihara setia
Sanggup kau tinggalkan semua
Membawa segala

Di mana ku letakkan jiwa ini
Seakan berterbangan untuk mencari tempatnya
Hatiku kan selama
Memuja dan menyinta
Kau kekasihku
Hilang
Pergi merantau
Mengapa

Tak rela diriku terjaga
Belum sedarku buka mata
Siang malam berlalu sama
Saja
Sukar untukku lepasi
Hari yang mendatang

Tak daya menahan air mata
Dan meratapi hiba menyesal dan meronta oh
Hatiku kan selama memuja dan menyinta
Kau kekasihku
Hilang

Jauh melangkah
Tinggalkan semua
Berakhirlah sudah tiada gunanya menyalahi
Sesiapa
Bangunkan daku segera
Dari lena

Jauh melangkah
Menghilang
Tiada ku kesalkan
Biarlah
Kurela

by: Dayang Nurfaizah

FINALLY, I GOT IT!

Last night i was told by my friend about the "Bersih Rally" that took place at Dataran Merdeka on November 10th, and thats like yeserday. At first i was distraught with the idea that we're having a demonstration in the comfort of my own country, my home...being in Indonesia and seeing demonstrations taking place everywhere, at all times makes me a bit phobic and nauseous when it comes to talking about demonstrations. so there i was at about 4a.m in the morning, sitting near my fridge (which is near to the door where the connection was at its best) trying to figure out what has caused this rally to happen at the first place....i mean surely there has got to be a reason as to why this is happening...there must be something that triggers fellow Malaysians to gather up and voice their opinions so that the government would hear them...and i pray to God that whatever the reason maybe i hope its a very sound reason (unlike the reasons these Indonesians have to cause such riots...its completely ridiculous!)



recalling the 3 weeks of my holiday for the eid recently ( and thats like 2 weeks ago...) i dont recall anything of significance that can cause this to happen...all i remembered, that the country was enthusiatic about our angkasawan in space and maybe the only significant event was the "fight" between Samy Vellu and M Kayveas...but lets face it, im not being racial about this, but that only involves the Indian community in the country... i am not saying that, that sole reason itself cant cause the riot to happen but i keep thinking that there has got to be something else.


so i got up just now at 3.30pm seeing that i slept at 8a.m this morning and immediately checked out the "Bersih Rally". i wanted to know what has caused this to happen...and finally
after reading "Malaysia Today" i finally understood.


During my holiday there were news involving the BPR, Anwar and tapes...i watched it like everyday, but it was rather a very short news each day and well, we know who it favors right? my mama n i were trying hard to figure it out, we know it involves the judiciary but we dont know that for sure...when i got back to medan, i often check out blogs by Zainul Arifin of The NST and even he commented on the crisis in our judiciary system but it was very brief so i dont really understand what is going on.


but now, i finally got it...i guess the man still got his touch huh? i often hope that he will just give it a break now that he's been released but the man is always on the go...well, i suppose when u have a strong beliefs on something and the need to confide the truth and fight for justice is just too strong, the phrase "let it go" seems like a blasphemy. but we cant blame him can we? he's been through a difficult time of his life and i guess thats all the motivation he needs to drive him all the way...


of course there are many other factors that contributes to the rally. seeing that the election is just around the corner (i only realised it coz the BPR is doing extra hours of work nowadays) that pretty much adds up to this.


and all they want is a fair election and a transparent system that works for everybody, everyone regardless the status and wealth. well, i have yet to vote....the next election will be the first time im voting actually and frankly speaking im pretty excited about it =)


but lets get real....i believe that a fair election can be conducted if everyone is determined to make it work. it is not impossible as it has been done numerous times before. hence we being "Malaysia Boleh" can definitely pull it off too....


but what about a fair system? democracy, not just the word itself but actually practicing it! i mean, people can talk...everyone can talk but can they really practice the values that they preached? can they walk the walk and talk the talk? its easier said than done right? and here we are, often talking about what a transparent our system really is, and how thankful we should be as a Malaysians for having a system as such etc,etc.....


i am proud to be a malaysian. compared to where i am right now, there is no other place i want to be rather than malaysia. many reasons why I and of course the fellow nations are proud to be malaysians. but for me personally, it is definitely not because of the "transparent" system that protects the citizen...im not going to say that the system is just lousy, we could have been worst right? but to me its more like translucent. if u refer the dictionary it says that translucent means not transparent, but clear enough to allow light to pass through and to me, that describes the system fine and dandy...


so why hide behind the truth? everybody is aware of this fact, and even the people in the system and the ones who helped created the system knows it. and now, the people who has obliged to follow the system for all these years has finally spoken out. they try to ask for a permit (trying to do this the right way..) but their request were being ignored. like a child who is being ignored by their parents, they grow up to be a rebel. and why is that so? to seek attention from their parents of course! and so the rally took place anyway despite all the strings being pulled to stop it...


if u read Special Reports 2007: Special Page for 10 November on Malaysia Today, u can see how determined these people are despite the hardship trying to get into the city....road blocks as far from Melaka all the way to Dataran Merdeka (for godsake la people!) its amazing really...too bad i wasnt in the country yesterday, or else i could have caught it live....


but like i said before....with great beliefs comes great determination.....
its all that it takes.......


it all started so peaceful and we know how it turns out in the end right? its just so funny in a way...are they that afraid to actually went to that length to stop them? its like beating your own children. is this a good example of parenting? is this how we should teach our children? when we are being told to practice good parenting all the time and suddenly this happens?


its amazing, beyond amazing actually....and to watch the news by al-jazeera on you tube its just sad....i kept asking myself, is this happening in my country? coz this sure looks like the news i always watch here....but seeing the masjid jamek LRT station made me realise, hell, it is my country...


that got me freaked out a bit...i was thankful coz it didnt ended with bloodshed or anything but the idea that this may happen again....its scary. im not in beauty contest to promote world peace, but before we are too busy about the world lets narrow it down to our country first.


we are indeed a proud nation and by all means we should keep it in our grasp and never let it go. i believe that no one is perfect and we all have our mistakes in past. can we erase them? no...whats done is done and should be left at that. what we can do is move on....maybe if we just learn to come clean and admit our mistakes, not trying to accuse the other party to cover up our wrong doings then maybe we can work it out. but we must remember that one shouldnt be blamed for another persons' mistakes....that is just not fair to me....and we want fairness right? maybe we can start by being fair to ourselves and from there we can work out on how to be fair to others....now, hows that for a change?


its called simple psychology....

R.E.I.N.C.A.R.N.A.T.I.O.N.

Heylooooo there…

Well, I know it’s been awhile since I blog and I’ve been ignoring this blog completely since, god knows when (although it says that last article published was in August 8th) but I guess its about time that I start blogging again…

Just browsing through all the stuff that I had written here makes me realize the reason why I started this blog. It’s a way to let go all the things that I have stored with in me. Lets face it, sometimes even when ure with around the closest people in your life, u still have difficulties telling them what going in inside ou, for fear that they might not want to hear, or they might be sick and tired listening to you whining about your life all day long (and believe me when I say, I am one hell of a whiner…it’s my specialty) which of course I’m trying very hard working on it right now…. Even when they say that, if they are your true friends, they wont mind listening to your crap, but come on, get real shall we? How many loads of crap can a person take? Friends of foe, it’s still the same…of course for foe it would be much, much lesser…

So that was the reason why I started the blog. I was going through a very rough patch in my life at that time and I had to look for a place to let it all go…and I find that it works. So now, since I’m back on track and I’ve learn to deal with it I decided to give this a fresh start… we can call it the “reincarnation” of me in my blog…hehe….

So, I made a pledge to myself to regularly blog here if not everyday then every other day… so there you go…all said and done… I guess we’ll be seeing each other a lot from now on…chioz! =)