In the loving memory of.......

This morning I got out of my bed and the first thing my mum said to me was, It has been 2 months since ur father left us.I didn’t know what to say to that, so I just kept quiet.

So many things had happened in the past 2 months. We moved on, just like he wanted us to. My mum is now doing what she does best, making kuih. I think shes doing great. Not only that it takes her mind off his absent but we’re making money too, which is very good! Who knows that making kuih brings in lots of RINGGIT??? Ka-ching ka-ching!! Well, at least its enough for the both of us.

In another story, my sister got married last Wednesday. It was a small ceremony but it got most of the family members together. I wasn’t around coz I was in medan. A real waste, I must say. Though I think it would have been a whole lot different if he was around. Its amazing really, to think just an absent of someone can change so much. in the end, we have to make do with what we have right? I now have a vague idea of how my wedding should be.hehe….

As for the rest of the family, I guess we are all doing great. Sure, we all have our ups and down but hey, that’s what makes life worth living right?

Now after 2 months, the only remaining of him is the memories he left us with. I still cross my parents bedroom, glancing at the door thinking that he will call me from his bed. I can still remember him saying, “Eh, eh! Nak pergi mana tu?” with his funny expression and his heart-warming smile, its almost like a dream. Even back then, the last 6days I spent in the hospital with him, I knew in my heart that was leaving us, very deep down within me I kept imagining how will my life be like without this man who was laying helplessly before my eyes. Can I handle it? Can I force myself to move on? How do I pick up the pieces? Where do I go from there? I cant even begin to tell u how tormenting that was. Even when I shed tear in front of him coz I just cant bear seeing him in pain, and he held my hand and said to me, “Jangan nangis,” God, if only I can do that…if only I can hide my tears and pretend to be as strong as him. Evidently, that’s one trait I did not inherit from him.

As the days passes by, I look at my family. There are just so many of us, regardless of whose womb we came from he was the one who brought all of us together. Even without his presence, the aura and the glue that sticks the family together is still there. I don’t know what will happen in years to come. Will we still be the way we are? Or will we be parting ways and never hear from each other ever again? I have no faintest idea…

If there is one regret that I have right now, is the fact that I didn’t tell him enough of how much I really love him. Despite all the arguments we used to have, he always has the best place in my heart. I hope he knows how much he meant to me.

When I was a baby, there he was, singing prayers to my ears, trying to get me to sleep. In the last days of his life, there I was, singing the exact prayers to his ears, to keep his mind on The Almighty and The Merciful. I hope someday, I can do the same thing to my child and hope that my child will do the same for me.

“Ya Allah, ampunilah dia, rahmatilah dia, ‘afiatkanlah dia, maafkanlah dia, muliakanlah persinggahannya, luaskan tempat masuknya, bersihkanlah dia dengan air salji dan air dingin, dan sucikanlah dia daripada segala kesalahan sebagaimana dibersihkan kain putih daripada kotoran, dan gantikanlah untuknya rumah yang lebih baik dari rumahnya, keluarga yang lebih baik dari keluarganya dan pasangan yang lebih baik dari pasangannya. Masukkanlah dia ke dalam syurga dan lindungilah dia dari azab kubur dan api neraka,

“Ya Allah, dia adalah hambaMu dan anak hambaMu yang sangat berhajat kepada rahmatMu, sedangkan Engkau Maha Kaya dan tidak berhajat untuk mengazabkannya. Sekiranya dia seorang yang baik, maka tambahkanlah kebaikannya, dan sekiramya dia seorang yang tidah baik, maka maafkanlah segala kesalahanya,”

~~~ so cute! hehe..~~~