Something bad happened to me recently. Maybe it wasn’t that bad. When I think about it again, I’d say that it is just a small thing that probably seems like an everyday encounter to certain people. U may ask me what it was. I’d say that its just another episode of my life.
Forgetfulness… it’s a huge problem of mine. I have to admit I have a memory no better than a sieve. I think at least ive improved a lot. Back then, not only was I forgetful, I was also very ignorant. So to me it was one hell of a combination. Over the years ive learnt to take things seriously. Ive met many people in my life. some of them I hope I will never ever see again, some makes me wonder why our path did not cross each other sooner than it did. But one thing for sure, they all made me who I am today. I learned so much from them. Some of them came just for a short visit, but the impact, the fingerprint they left on me lasts forever. And I am very grateful for every second of my life for the opportunity, regardless of what others have to say.
Am I proud of the person I am today?
Certainly not! There are just too much fault within me that I don’t even know where to begin. But as I grow up, as I get older I learn to pick up a principle or two. I’d like to think of it as self-defense. This is a nasty little world we live in. I think u have to have some sort of shield to guard urself from hurting others and most importantly; from getting hurt.
When u meet new people,
Not knowing what to do…where to go…
and why is this happening?
All because you didn’t see it coming…
I was told by a very trusted soul that I tend to place a very high expectation on people whom im close to. I expect them to see friendship the way I see it. I must say, I was taken back by what she said. But after a great deal of thinking I realized that its very true. I don’t see why two people who are close friends should have different views on what their friendship is all about. The way I see it, if these 2 people have different views on what is connecting them, then how can they become close friends? How can they trust each other? Is that even possible?
But after the incident I realize that it is possible…
The worst part is that, it took me years to realize it…
If u ask me didn’t I see it coming at all?
I admit, yes, I have a hint that someday its bound to hit me hard…
So why didn’t I do what I always do and that is to stay away?
The answer is so simple, I thought she was my close friend. How can someone who has been my friend for the past years, someone who saw me through my ups and down, someone whom I thought I can trust, someone whom I thought I can rely on can do such a thing to me?
Sometimes I question myself, how long does it take to really know someone?
Is there a time length for u to be sure that u really know someone by heart?
I don’t think I’ll ever find the answer…
Keep telling myself over and over again, not to create hatred but as a precaution and a reminder of how hypocrite and deceiving certain people are regardless of how close you are to them… just when u think u know all there is to know about them, think again…maybe u have no faintest idea who they are.
Truth often hurts…
Having said all that, im asking myself right this very moment, have I learn my lesson?
Answer is; yes, now I know what to expect from others, but I don’t think I can help myself from trusting people implicitly like I always do. So in the end, im bound to make the same mistake over and over again.
And when it happen again, I’ll be reading this just to remind myself of what a fool I really am… will I ever learn?
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